The Bat Cave Affair Synopsis:

(Thanks to Vicky for her assistance.)

Somewhere in the Ozarks: NS pays a visit to Clemency McGill, a young lady with a remarkable ability to telepathically recognize cards. She rattles off a lot of facts about NS and tells him she's got the knowing way. She knows that IK is in danger from a bull's horn in Spain, although she pronounces his name wrong. NS asserts that IK is in Stockholm. Guess who's right? IK looks very dashing out there in the bullring.

NS brings Clemency to U.N.C.L.E. headquarters and finds out that IK has stolen a list of numbers from Thrush. Meanwhile, NS tells him Thrush wants one billion dollars or else they'll start Operation Night-flight, and disrupt air traffic around the world.

Clemency demonstrates her knowing way for NS and AW. AW remains skeptical and asks NS to keep a close eye on her, but "not too close". After the test Clemency demonstrates her taste for the U.N.C.L.E. cafeteria's "Gourmet surprise" - fourteen delicious flavors of ice cream all made up into one delectable soda.

Clemency explains to NS that her Granny had second sight too. Pregnant women came to her to find out whether to knit pink or blue. Clemency knows that NS went dancing with a girl named Stephanie at the purple unicorn before. Clem: "and afterwards--." NS: "Yes, uh, I know what I did." Clemency tells NS to tell IK that he should go to Casa del Lobo in Seville to find out about his list.

He finds out. The hot flamenco dancer lures him into a back room and turns him over to THRUSH. IK meets Count Zark, a vampire wannabe with a few bats loose in the belfry. He wants the list back for Operation Night Flight. IK mouths off a bit, but since he has a gun in his side and a goon at his back, he hands the list to Zark and Zark leaves. IK takes on the three thugs and handles the two smaller ones pretty easily. The third one he blows up with the bomb in his money clip.

After Illya has escaped, NS sends him off to a castle in Transylvania. IK would like to know what Ouiji board he's using to get his information. NS confesses that it's a girl with "esp" you know, E-S-P? IK's response? "Oh, all right. I'll send you a post card from Transylvania."

IK arrives at the castle and is warned by Clem via Napoleon not to take a dip in the moat. It's filled with émigré piranhas. Clemency sends him around the back way instead, which ends up being a trap. First he's beset by bats, something he's clearly not pleased by. Next he's captured by Zark with the old trap door in the dungeon floor trick.

NS has bought Clemency some new duds. She suspects he's up to something and treats NS to a bit of wisdom her mama passed along to her. He assures her he's not and she looks a bit disappointed. Then he asks her about Illya, and she snaps at him, "Illya, Illya, that's all you think about."

Zark's goon manhandles IK into his laboratory. Zark compliments him on his fake list of numbers. IK, handcuffed, looks a bit tense. Clemency assures NS that IK is safely on his way home. Zark boasts of the cortical stimulator and tells Illya that because of it, U.N.C.L.E. thinks he is safe so no one will be coming to rescue him. He gloats about how his new gizmo can be used to stimulate parts of the brain. Zark: "You know that of course." IK: "Of course." Zark (disappointed): "You do?" IK: "Yes." All they do is program their computers and microwave the knowledge directly to Clemency. "Isn't that marvelous?" IK: "It's difficult for me to contain my admiration."

In New York: Clemency's fed up. She wants to leave, claiming if she didn't have the gift NS wouldn't even look at her. NS assures her that's not true. Of all the girls with ESP, she's the prettiest. He sets about convincing her. She tells him to be careful as she doesn't want him to get a scratch from the comb Mr. Transome told her never to take out of her hair. NS discovers a transmitter in the comb, and immediately calls in to check on IK. He explains about the comb. AW doesn't seem very surprised: "Very ingenious. I wonder why our people never thought of that." NS and Clem set off to rescue IK.

Zark puts a little psychological pressure on IK. He wants the numbers and he thinks IK would have memorized them. He shows off his project. Bats! IK looks a bit squeamish. Zark has changed bat radar to interfere with man-made radar. He has hundreds of bats hidden by every major airport in the world. When he lets them out…HAVOC! To help convince IK to talk, Zark throws him into the cave with the vampire bats.

Back at U.N.C.L.E. headquarters, AW insists air traffic must be grounded. NS and Clemency race to rescue Illya.

IK's looking a bit worse for wear. Zark tells him the numbers on the list are the pattern of frequencies used to recall the bats. IK still refuses to cooperate even as he's being attacked by the bats. Zark is called away with the news that Solo and Clemency are coming. He tells Thrush to send them around to the front gate. NS pretends to agree, but they go around through the cave instead.

Zark finds the goon dumping IK on his laboratory workbench. NS bursts in and shoots the goon. He tells Clemency to "See about Illya." She does, submitting the swooning IK to a barrage of sympathy that nearly finishes him off. NS takes pity and goes to help IK, giving Clemency the gun. Zark releases his bats into the laboratory and escapes in the chaos. NS, IK and Clemency run for it, and are pursued by one ravening bat, which NS subdues with some sort of spray.

Clemency has a vision—a real one, it appears—of where Zark's command center is, the comb came down when she was running. They burst in on Zark and IK shorts out the equipment, but too late! Zark has already released the European bats. This time he gets away for good.

IK tries to put together the series of numbers. NS: "You remember?" IK: "Of course. But, what to do with them?" They reason that it must be radar control settings. IK sits down to program the console, but he's forgotten one number. "Five," Clemency tells him. IK: "No. Fifty-five." The signal is sent and the bats come home to roost. Clemency gushes over him having saved all of Europe. In response, IK dons a pair of wire-rimmed sunglasses.

Back in the cafeteria again, Clemency, NS, IK, and AW are all having ice cream. IK is a bit sour at Clemency managing to almost get him killed, but invites Clemency to come out with him as recompense. AW wants to take her out to enjoy the city's culture. But she has a date with NS: "He's going to take me to a place called the Purple Unicorn." NS: "How'd you know that?" Clemency: "I dunno. I guess I got the gift."

Now…on with the show.